Our Wedding
From CarterFamily
Contents |
The Proposal
January 13th, 2003
A Surprise Trip
Can you relate to having moments where you feel depressed, tired and listless? Life needs to sparkle again. Interest needs to be rekindled in our everyday lives. The different forces all around us need to change for a little space of time. I am very blessed to have someone special to help me find the sparkle every day in life. Here's one of my memories... I pick up the phone, hoping no one will answer Whew - I get a recorded voice message. After leaving the message that I won't be in to work today, I rest the phone back into it's receiver. I hate calling in sick from work. I just feel so tired and depressed. All my defences go down when I feel that way. I revert back to negative habits. These habits don't follow my mantra of taking good care of, and loving myself. They are self-depreciating and counter-productive. My negative mind temporarily cripples my positive mind. I sigh and close my eyes as I lay back down on the soft pillow. Ripley jumps up on my belly. The cold November winds rattle the window. I imagine the snow blowing in drifts around the parked cars and the leafless, exposed trees, 10 stories below me. Ripley starts kneading my chest to suitable softness before she finds a comfortable position. She gives me a few rough-tongued licks on my cheek. I like the feel. It feels so sensual -soft and sand- papery rough at the same time. It's been a week now. I know these feelings will pass. I remind myself of this, it's easy to forget. I know I will be my cheerful, bright, busy self again - the self that I love being. A wave washes over me. I remind myself again.
My boyfriend, Mikey, turns his key in our doorlock. I hear it, set my book down and get up from the futon. We hug. I'm happy to see him. He has come home early from work because he is worried about me. He knows I am feeling depressed -he is sensitive to my behaviour and thoughts. He wants me to be happy. He wants me to feel energetic and in love with my life again. . It makes him upset when I'm upset. That makes me feel more upset that he's feeling that way. I want him to be happy. We are intrinsically linked.
"Would you like to go on a trip this Saturday?" he asks me as he holds me in his arms, back on the futon. I love trips. I love going up to the northern parts of Ontario and walking through the forests, sitting by the lakes, breathing deeply. I love stopping for a warm lunch or coffee and dessert at a new restaurant in a small little town where everything is interesting to look at and wonder about. Mikey knows this. He enjoys those trips with me too.
"We need a change of pace, don't you think?" He says, when i just shrug my shoulders and hold him tighter. "I'd like that." I snuggle in closer, feeling his body press against mine, glad he cares about me. Glad he's there to care when I sometimes have a hard time caring about myself. Glad that he allows me, leans on me to give him the same back when he needs it. "Where will we go? Bon Echo?" I suggest. "It'll be a surprise. Let's just get up Saturday morning and go. I've got the place picked. So, I'll plan the route and pack some warm clothes while you make a lunch to bring. How's that sound?" "Ok." I feel good. I like his surprise destinations. He knows exactly what I like.
Having something special and different to look forward to is what I need right now. I order Chinese for dinner. We go for a walk in the snow with the stars sparkling over our heads. We don't say much, but it's companionable silence.
Getting Ready
I wake up early and start packing our picnic. I listen to Prince chirping cheerily in his cage and chatter along with him. He seems to reply to me as he fluffs out his feathers and hops onto his swing. It looks like spring outside even though the calendar says that the heart of Winter should be getting stronger. It's been warm the past few days. Today is December 1st. I do a little dance and sing a little song for a mild December as I zip up our lunch cooler.
"Give me a hint!" I call to Mikey as he passes by the kitchen. He's consistent. He teases me again about not knowing and says with a grin that it's a BIG surprise. I rub my hands over his chest and shoulders. I press my pelvic area and stomach against his. I'm teasing him now. He groans. "I thought you wanted an early start to our day, keep doing this and that's it." It makes me so excited when he is desperate for me and loves to feel me all over him. I run into the shower and cool off from the rising heat I feel.
Starting Out On Our Trip
We're driving up the 400 highway. I feel all settled in and cozy. My mind is thinking about many things -like flashes, the thoughts go through my brain.
I think of my sister and her fiancè. They are getting married in the Spring. I'm happy for her. She hasn't had an easy life. She's so rough and callous now, a protective barrier she's built. Lots of walls and defences around that girl. She hurts me sometimes when I'm around her but i remind myself of how far she's come. I'm so different from her. I'm very sensitive. Ron is so patient with her. He need her love and friendship. They are good for each other. My mind wanders. I think of Mikey and myself. I wonder if we will get married someday. I'm unsure of it all. I love him. I know he loves me. He lets me know when i need to hear it. He's learned that over the years -i need to hear reassurance and know the feelings that he has. I've learned that we are very different -different in the way we think, the way we experience life, the projects we are interested in. I've also learned that we are the same -same in the passion we feel, same in the emotional needs we have, same in the way we want our lives to be lived. But I'm still unsure. We've had our struggles in the past. We've come through them with more understanding for each other but still the pain and hurt remains in the background for awhile. I'm told this is a part of a healthy relationship. I haven't had too many healthy relationships so far in life. I start mad. I stop. I tel myself to think positive. Look at how well I've done! I've survived breaking free from a cult I was raised in and the loss of my parents by their own willful decision. It's hard to get used too a true, real, strong relationship. I don't know if i can. I want to.
We pass a barn, surrounded by melting snow and muddy spots where the horses are trampling in the field. The sun reflects brilliantly off the snow. I think of a scene from a novel I read. I wonder about the heroine. I make improvements on her in my mind and re-think the scene. I think of how i would write the story. I think of a painting i saw on an internet site. It was by a member of the Pre-Raphaelite? Brotherhood. I think of the story behind the painting.
The Trip
"What are you thinking?" He reaches over and takes my hand. My rambling thoughts are interrupted. But I'm happy to talk - I want to talk. We chat and laugh about lots of topics -light- hearted and serious alike. The miles and minutes fly by. We stop at McDonald's in Barrie for a bathroom break and a snack. I remark at what an unusual layout this McDonald's has. It is two stories with a gas station underneath and off to the left. I'm feeling chatty. Mikey listens, responds, seems to be enjoying himself but doesn't want to loiter so we hop in the car and take the ramp to the highway again.
We are well on our way, travelling up hwy 69 now. I see a beautiful old bridge high above a raging river in the distance. "Let's stop here for lunch, Mikey." It looks so dramatic." He pulls into a small parking area just before the bridge. It looks like the entrance to a Provincial park trail. The land rises and rises. The trees get higher, almost looking endless in their quest to touch the top of the sky. Large, flat slats of rock protrude everywhere out of the ground. I try to imagine the power of the forces that would be needed to push these rocks up and create this ravine. We bundle up. My hands always get so cold so Mikey insists I wear these silly wool mittens that would make my father's huge, hard, solid hands look like children's. I put them on after my scarf and hat and climb out of the car. We carry our picnic a little distance up into the high woods. The shelter of the trees gives us a little warmth as we settle down at a lonely picnic table. We eat our cold food in silence. I'm enjoying the smells, the sounds, the feel of the forest. The river rages in the background. I wonder why Mikey is so quiet. I stop myself from continuing to build up the anger and resentment. I have to accept him and enjoy him and learn how he operates. It's not easy. Everyone is so different from each other. No one likes to be forced to be something for someone, though. We pack up and walk over to where the forest clears down by the river. The large slats of rock form a daring ridge along the fast- moving river. Ice patches cover the rocks, letting all know that the rocks are to be respected. I see a historical plaque down near the supports of the bridge. Rushing over, i discover that this is the French River and it was used a trading route. I'm intrigued. I watch the current swirl and rush the water all around the rocks and fallen trees.
"Let's walk a little further, following the river." I call to Mikey as he emerges from the forest after relieving himself. He walks carefully over to me. I'm standing by the river on the rocks. "No, we should go. I want to get to Killarney before it's dark." "But we have no real goal, right? We could just stay here a bit longer and explore. We don't have to go to Killarney." "Let's go." He starts walking over to our car. "Alright." I wonder what's wrong as i follow him back.
Starting Out On Our Walk
We are all warm and toasty inside the car. I feel content. The winter sky is darkening slightly. Twilight will be here in a few hours. We pull into a trail across the street from the entrance to Killarney park. The gatehouse is abandoned and the wind swirls around the stacked picnic tables. It's so still and beautiful and private. I open my window. The scent of mud and water and trees greets me.
There is another little car parked in the parking lot. A man and woman are standing near the car with their dog. We bundle up again, nod to our companions and walk to the entrance of the trail. It's flanked on both sides by a forest of pine trees. It makes me think the pine trees have parted and are standing at attention for us to walk down the centre of their forest. The path is spotted with thin ice and mud and snow everywhere. I jump from spot to spot, trying to avoid the worse of the mud and ice. Our weight cracks trough the thin ice and we splash into the cold water.
"My feet are getting wet, Mikey. Maybe we shouldn't go on this trial. It's pretty slushy and sloppy. Aren't you cold?" "No, let's keep going. Just a little ways." "Are you sure? My boots are leaking." "Come on, it'll get better."
Us and Elvis!
I follow along. He's so determined, so pushing and focussed. I wonder what the motivation is. I thought we were just going on a relaxing day trip where we follow whatever whims we want. I try to ask him but he doesn't give me an answer that satisfies me.
The pine forest breaks and we come out to a mixed forest of coniferous and deciduous. I stop and smell the sweet scents in the air. We are climbing up a rocky hill. I love this northern terrain. I can imagine our ancestors climbing up this same forest hill. We talk about how they would feel during the winter, how they would survive living out here, what their hours were spent like together in their families.
We've reached a peak. We're overlooking a valley. Far off in the distance, i can see birds flying over the tops of trees on the other side of the land that was pushed up by the mighty glaciers. It's so beautiful. We stop and stand together, Mikey standing behind me, a-top a jagged large flat rock. I feel his arms come around my waist and his head resting on my shoulder. It feels good. He feels good.
"Wanna go meet Elvis?" He breaks the stillness. I laugh. It's a private joke. We've mentioned this un-romantic way of proposing marriage. We've joked about it together. The laughter is carried away on the wind . He opens up his hand in front of me. There is a little box in his palm. "I'm serious."
Life's Happy Moments!
I break from his hold around my middle and turn around to face him. My eyes are wide with shock and i can hear my heart louder than the wind now. I open the box. A teardrop-shaped stone of tanzanite gleams back at me. The colour makes me think of my favourite place to be: standing on the shoreline of a wavy ocean or lake. Mikey is always standing with me in those moments; imagined or real. "Yes, I love you." The words come out naturally and heartfelt. I wrap my arms around him and soak in his warmth and smell. The rise of his chest as he breaths and the feel of his arms around me. His long hair is tickling my face as the wind blows around us and the sky darkens. The trees seem to be whispering all around us, sharing in our secret, private love. I want to be with him forever. I want to share my journey of life with this man. And i know he wants this too. Through all the painful times, the wonderful times and the every day life times. I kiss him full on the mouth and then tease him as i tell him to propose romantically now. We climb back down the hill and hop carefully around the mucky pine-tree lined entrance way again. As we start out on our drive home together it gets very dark. A flash catches our attention on the isolated northern highway. It is the eyes of a huge moose, frightened by our headlights. Mikey slams on the breaks and the moose looks right at us then plunges back into his home, deep in the forest. I grasp onto Mikey's hand tightly. Life is like that. We need to be daring, bold and stare it in the face. We hope that there are people around us that care about us and will come to us or help us when we ask and especially when we can't ask. People that will help us protect ourselves. And when we find these people, look them in the eye, tell them we love them and hold on to them carefully as we plunge through the darkness of the unknown in life. Life is fragile and sweet. Remember that, I tell myself.
The Wedding
Blessing of the Apaches
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years, May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth.
Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together.
Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves.
When frustration, difficulties and fear assail your relationship - as they threaten all relationships at one time or another- remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives - remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there.
And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.
The Rose Ceremony
In the rose ceremony, the bride and groom give each other a rose. Two roses are all that is necessary. The rose ceremony is placed at the end of the ceremony just before being pronounced husband and wife. In the old language of flowers, a single red rose always meant "I love you." The rose ceremody gives recongnition to the new and most honourable title of "Husband and Wife."
Your gift to each other for your wedding today has been your wedding rings - which shall always be an outward demonstration of your vows of love and respect; and a public showing of your commitment to each other.
You now have what remains the most honorable title which may exist between a man and a woman - the title of "husband and wife." For your first gift as husband and wife, that gift will be a single rose.
In the past, the rose was considered a symbol of love and a single rose always meant only one thing - it meant the words "I love you." So it is appropriate that for your first gift -as husband and wife, that gift would be a single red rose.
Please exchange your first gift as husband and wife. In someways it seems like you have not done anything at all. Just a moment ago you were holding on small rose - and now you are holding a small rose. In some ways, a marrriage ceremony is like this. In some ways, tomorrow is going to seem no different than yesterday. But in fact today, just now, you both have given and received one of the most valuable and precious gifts of life - one I hope you always remember, the gift of true and abiding love within the devotion of marriage.
Michael and Kimberly, I would ask that where ever you make your home in the future - whether it be a large and elegant home - or a small and graceful one - that you both pick one very special location for roses; so that on each anniversary of this truly wonderful occason you both may take a rose to that spot both as a recommitment to your marriage, and a recommitment that this will be a marriage based upon love.
In every marriage there are times where it is difficult to find the right words. It is easiest to hurt who we most love. It is easiest to be most hurt by who we most love. It might be difficult some times to say " I am sorry" or "I forgive you"; "I need you" or "I am hurting." If this should happen, if you simply cannot find these words, leave a rose at that spot which both of you have selected - for that rose then says what matters most of all and should overpower all other things and all other words. That rose says the words: "I still love you." The other should accept this rose for the words which cannot be found, and remember the love and hope that you both share today.
Michael and Kimberly, if there is anything you remember of this marriage ceremony, it is that it was love that brought you here today, it is only love which can make it a glorious union, and it is by love which your marriage shall endure.
